Cleaning Out The Closet...It's why I blog.

Literally. So we have this storage closet off of our porch. It is great to keep all the things we don't need. Husband's gear, baby things, memories that I can't ever part with and apparently a ton of useless CRAP.
I have two trash bags full and piles of stuff I am still debating on.
I found some old journals. I use to write in them every day. I started to read about the first time I met husband. Things I sort of forgot about. Feelings I had. What I wanted/thought would become of us. Of course I never thought it would ever happen as quickly. I wrote about everything. From the first kiss, to him leaving to train for his deployment, to him leaving for Iraq, finding out we were expecting and then talking about the baby. All those raw emotions, feelings, personal, moments written down. Some of it was hard to read...but then there were parts like this...
"maybe one day you will have my last name too, then the three of us can be a happy little family and be together forever" I remember crying as I read then when it popped up on my screen. I remember writing, "yea, that's a possibility"
Little did I know he was planning to ask me to marry him once he returned from Iraq...little did I know we would be married less then 3 months from the time he got off the bus. I didn't know he would be leaving 4 months after we were married to go to Afghanistan. I didn't know how much that separation would make us grow so much closer.
Our relationship has been very much a "long distance one". From living close to 90 min. apart only being able to see each other on  weekends, 16 months of training and deployments, we relied heavily on e-mails to communicate. We didn't have the benefits of being face to face for very much. If there was something either one of us wanted/needed, we had to say it just let it out. I couldn't hope he "sensed" what I was thinking. He couldn't wait for me to just figure out what was bothering him.
I love being able to look back to see how far we really have come. To see what made me fall for him in the first place, how I felt when those amazingly important first happen. Even though I will always remember the first time we kissed, said I love you...etc.etc.etc. I may not remember everything what was going through my head during those moments.
And that is why I blog. Although I love having hand written things for Monkey to look at one day, I feel like I can write so much better when I type. Who knows if it is true. But it works for me. I want to remember what I felt like, thought, planned, when I woke up to a naked Monkey, I prepared for my husbands homecoming, we packed up and left my home here in California. I want to remember what got me to where I am today and what will get me where I will be in the future.
I love sharing my journey with all of you. I love that there are people, who think i am "interesting" enough to follow. I love being able to tell of of you what makes my life so amazing. What started out as just something to keep extended family/ friends updated on Monkey turned into an outlet for me. And I Love it.