Husband and I have talked a lot about how many monkey's we want to add to the zoo. My number is normally higher then his. No big deal. We both have come to the conclusion of "not setting a number" and we will be "inspired" as to when to add and when to stop. Then husband will be getting snipped. (He is not aware of this, don't tell him)
Well every now and then I get the urge to add. I see cute little girl clothes and sweet new babies in the aisle as I shop and I want one. (Although I want all boys, because like husband said, I get to be the princess) I start to talk to husband about it, he rolls his eyes and says uhm no. Not yet. I sulk and pout and whyne that I am ready, Monkey needs a sibling.(Hes only 1 year old...I don't think he would care really)
Then it happens. Im late. I get freaked out, stressed, panicked, nervous, and start figuring out how we are going to afford another baby. I think about everything I went through with monkey. The back labor, the tearing, the failed nursing attempts, the long days & nights, all the "negative" things that I experienced. Followed by the wonderful moments, the first time he held my finger, his tiny body snuggled up to me, that sweet new baby smell, the first smile, laugh, and every amazing milestone he reaches. I get excited at the chance to do it again.
Then two failed pregnancy tests later(I only took one, then an accidental girl instead of grill lead to a comment that made me paranoid all over again...thank you Amber) I quietly crawl into bed next to husband and say "no baby", and get sad. (I guess its a sense of loss?) Husband is quick to snap me out of my mild depression. I know where not ready. I have things we want to accomplish before we add another. I know we will both know with all certanty when it is time. As I sit here watching monkey nap, holding onto his Buzz, I know now is not that time.
We are perfectly content with our family of three.
So for now it is the three of us.
At least until I see another cute baby outfit or see another sweet new baby. :)
2 comments:
Ok, I did the EXACT same thing a few months ago. I had baby fever, and was thinking alll the time how great it would be to just start being a mom right now...and then my period was late and I was like, "I can't do this, not now, what was I thinking about wanting a baby, oh dear, I'm still a kid, I can't have a kid" ...And then my period finally came. And part of me was sad. Another part was relieved. Weird, mixed feelings. I'm sure you guys will both be thrilled when you're ready for another. =]
You'll know when the time is "right," (REALLY right). I'm still trying to figure out when I can talk K into making a baby with me. I can never figure out when he's kidding and when he's serious about stuff, and he jokes about it all the time, but I never know if he's really ready.
Part of me hopes I get randomly knocked up every month (a BIG part of me). Then gets terribly disappointed when I get my period, as I know he'd be nothing more than happy if it happened.
Ugh. Now I'm depressed. Thank you for depressing me! Lucky for you, I still love you dearly :)
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