Big.

Seven weeks until may first.

This is big...very big.

I leave in X amount of weeks...(Sorry kids can't say just in case my momma is reading, since when I come it will be a surprise to her!)

Thats big. So so so big. 

I am not sure why but these last few weeks are the hardest for me. I think I have reached my capacity to handle this anymore. I know that our Heavenly Father does not give us more then we can handle. But I have had many moments this past week where I just sit and go, alright thats it, I am done, no more. And then a day like today happens and I realize how well he knows me and my family. Even in moments of panic, worry and pure stress, I feel the comfort from my Heavenly Father.

Today as I was making the bed, and cleaning up the room I looked over at Bradley who had crawled into the hall way and was just sitting there playing. I noticed something on his chin, and on his pajamas and thinking its spit up I walked over to clean it up. As I get closer I realized he was in fact eating something, as I fished it out of his mouth I pulled out a tiny yellow pill. I immediately ran downstairs pill and Bradley in hand and called for my mother in law. After checking with the pediatrician, I called poison control. Bradley seemed fine, no severe symptoms. We were unsure of what that pill was, so under the guidance of poison control we left for the Emergency Room. Bradley was still fine. He just was really mellow. I think it could be the combination of him teething and having a cold. Well after three hours and a urine analysis of his urine,(oh yea, as I helled him down, and they stuck the tube in him...well you know where, he didn't even cry, he just sat there and stared at the nurse, she said she had never seen a baby not cry before) he was discharged and his still doing great. The pill was not toxic, and although we aren't positive of what it was, we have a good idea.

I am just so grateful it was nothing serious. With a house full of people, and medications galore. I am so thankful. I truly believe Bradley was being watched over and taken care of by his Father in Heaven. It could have been so much worse. I was waiting for the moment I would break down. Seriously it was one more thing I didn't want to deal with. That moment never came. I was not angry that he found the mystery pill, things like this happen. I was and still am so grateful it was not more serious. I am so thankful for the moments that remind me that my Father in Heaven is with me every step of the way. That he gives me the strength I need when I feel I can't do it anymore.

I am so blessed to have a wonderful family to help and support me when I need it the most. (I include soon to be Mrs. Robert Carranza in the family section) I wonder how I made it this far...we are in March...already? I am not completely sure. I just know I didn't do it alone. 

I am so grateful for the gospel. For the blessings it brings into my life. For the power of repentance, the atonement. For my savior. I am so grateful for an amazing man I call Husband. I look forward to the day where we kneel at the altars and are sealed for all time and eternity. I am so grateful for him.
7 more weeks... I can do this.